Out Of Body Experiences...Part 1

This is a series of posts, describing some of my major flub-ups this summer.  If you want to feel better about yourself, read on.  At my expense.  But don't judge me.  I really don't act like this all the time.


I will start with the most recent experience first.

Four days ago I received a call from one of our little church ladies, asking me to bring a dessert to a family dinner. ( In our small community, when there is a funeral, the church provides a dinner for the family)

No problem.  I ran to the store and picked up ingredients to make a cake.

Problem.  Went to work yesterday morning and at exactly ten o'clock, my brother asks my mom, "what time is that funeral today?"

I had one of those "out of body" experiences, as I realized I forgot my dessert.  I didn't just forget to bring it to town with me.

I FORGOT TO MAKE IT!

I ran screaming out the door and praying our little grocery store would have something besides a package of cookies.

I ran in the door like a crazy woman and tried to ignore the look on the little check-out ladies faces, as I bounced like a ping-pong-ball from the baked goods to the freezer.

I settled on a frozen turtle cheesecake.  The picture on the box looked really good.

After swearing all the grocery store employees to secrecy, I ripped the dessert out of the box, destroyed the evidence, and headed to the church.

The little ladies were just finishing setting up the tables.  I told them I purposely brought my dessert in a disposable pan so they wouldn't have to wash and return it to me.

Wasn't that thoughtful of me?

I ran to my SUV, as I was trying to avoid that strike of lightening that was surely headed straight for me.

Love,
Shameful Me


                                                                         THE END

County Fair-Bringing Home The Blue!

Around here, the county fair is a big deal.  The 4H Clubs have awesome, dedicated kids, who show their animals, participate in Decorate Your Duds, woodworking, archery, shooting sports, and cooking.  Plus much more.

Now...our big guy participated in shotgun shooting sports, and....cooking!

Here he is showing Papaw his new gun.  The 4H Shooting Sports Program is an awesome way for any young person to learn how to safely handle a gun.  This kid knows as much about gun safety as any adult.

He competes at our local level, shooting moving targets, and is so good....we call him "dead eye dick".

At our fair shoot-out he won Grand Champion, nailing 46 out of 50 clay pigeons.  He now moves on to the State Fair for another shoot-out with kids from all over the state.

His other 4H Project was cooking.  He made bisquits from scratch.

Those little hands on the flour bucket belong to a five year old who really, really wants to help.

But this project has to be a one-man-show.

His bisquits won this...

And qualified him to send a fresh batch to State Fair!

I now demand he make his bisquits for our breakfast every morning!  I will never, ever, make them again.

                                                                             THE END

                                     

                                           

County Fair Time...Cotton Candy, Muttin Bustin', And More

Last week was our County Fair and Rodeo.  This means good old fashioned fun for the whole family.

There are turtle races.  Greased pig contests.  Pig shows.  Goat shows.  Steer shows.  Sheep shows.

Hey, we even have chicken and rabbit shows.

If you go to the fairgrounds, you have to get some of this...

That my friends, is Cotton Candy. It is in the rule book: Everyone MUST have Cotton Candy while attending the fair. And we always, play by the rules.

There was a rodeo.  A crowd favorite...bronc riding.

And there was bull ridin'.  I apologize in advance for this next picture.

That cowboy getting to his feet next to the bull just happens to be my twenty year old nephew.  The picture looks terrible because my hands were shaking violently, and I have no idea what happened with the lighting OR focus. 

After the bronc riding and the bull riding, and the roping...the REAL rodeo started.

Have you ever heard of Muttin' Bustin'?

                         

Yes, that pair of jeans belongs to Wranglers.  He helped with this event.

Kids are outfitted with a helmet, a sheep, and some quick words of instruction from Wranglers and the other cowboys.

                                   

And here we go!

                                           

Now this event is complete with a Rodeo Clown.  He is a very important part, as he picks the kids up off the ground, wipes tears, get's mudd out of the helmet face mask, etc.

This cowboy riding is not our little guy.  I don't have a picture of his ride, because, well, I was as nervous as if he was riding a bull.  I took a picture of his ride and it turned out like this:

                                    

But I did manage to get this...

                                                

                                           

And this wave to crowd.  Thanking them for their support and letting them know he was okay.  Just like the BIG cowboys.

                               

                                        

Also at the fair were these two sheep.  All dressed up in their finest duds.

                                       

Cows...

                                        

And more cows.

                                        

                               

And....Hellooooo Wranglers

Ladies, that's as good a reason as any to go the fair.  However...this particular pair of Wranglers, belongs to me  :)

Where was I?  Oh...um... our teenage son made quite a showing in the 4H Division of the fair.  That post will be up next, as I currently feel the need to fall over on the floor and sleep.

                                                                                  THE END

                                  

                                          

           

Cozumel, Mexico...Country Goes To The Beach

Wranglers and I recently went on a fabulous trip to the island of Cozumel, Mexico.

I am not gonna talk about the following details of the trip.

1. How I lost the diamond out of my wedding ring.  For the history on this ring see His Other Plans
2. The wasp sting I received the first day.
3. Going for a swim in the ocean with my sunglasses on my head.  And losing them.
4. How Wranglers found those sunglasses the next day while snorkeling.  He's my hero.
5. Hauling our snorkeling equipment all the way there, only to have it break the third day.
6. The lizards on the ceiling of our porch.
7. How I sent Wranglers to fetch purified water to brush my teeth, and yet, always turned on the sink faucet and....brushed my teeth.  Sometimes, I just don't think straight.  I get a little confused.  Must have been the tequila.

Cozumel is a wonderful place, the people are so gracious, and the island is beautiful.

This was the view from our room.  Paid a little extra for beach front, cuz, if I can't get a seat in the front row, I'm not goin'.  This was perfect.

The water was beautiful.  Took this picture from the pier.  This is why we have fallen in love with snorkeling.

Let me tell ya folks, after you have snorkeled, you will watch Spongebob Squarepants in a whole new light.

                                    

                           

Our resort's beach bar had swings instead of barstools.  How cool is that?  I'll just tell ya...it's way cool!

                                       

We rented a candy apple red jeep!  We had read about the other side of the island, and its beauty.  Oh my, it was well worth the trip.  On the east side, or windy side, there are no resorts.  It is just turquoise water and sand.  And a few beach bars.  We stopped at...well....um...all of them.

                                

At this particular spot, there was a sign on the beach:  NAKED BEACH

                               

So this is NAKED BEACH.  What happens on NAKED BEACH, stays on NAKED BEACH.  That's all I have to say.

                                   

                                 

Back at the resort, Wranglers is bringing in the snorkeling equipment.  "Hey, where's your Wranglers?"

                              

Stand back ladies...this hunk of burnin' love is mine...all mine.

The Manicure, Pedicure, And...Emotional Torture

We recently went on vacation to the beautiful island of Cozumel, Mexico.  Let  me tell you folks- It... Was... Awesome...

Now, when I say "we", I mean me and Wranglers.  No kids. Just us.

Please, don't judge me.  I struggled with tons of guilt for not taking the kids.

I mean REALLY struggled.  For about....uh....well.....five minutes.

As most of you know, we live in the middle of nowhere.  So, getting to an airport is even a major deal.
For this trip, we chose the closest airport, which is three hours away.

Our flight to Cozumel left at 5:00 a.m., so of course, we made the drive to our departure city the day before.

Hey, we wanted to "milk this trip for all we could."

Besides, I was in desperate need of some attention to my fingernails, and toenails.  I don't take very good care of myself in either department.  Don't judge me.  Remember, I live in the middle of nowhere.

I made an appointment with this sweet little gal in the nail salon at the mall.  She took one look at me and started talking to her co-workers.  In another language.  I could tell it wasn't good.  I felt like I was being scolded, however, she kept smiling at me the whole time. 

She started on my feet, more chattering in another language.  Then she said, "you want the sea salt?"

Me: Uh, I don't know.

Her: You need.  You need. 

More scolding, as she pointed to my heels.

Her:  You need.  You need. Just five dolla more.  You need.  Look here.  You need.

Me:  Okay.  I need.

She brought out all the major tools of her trade, and went to work.

She gave me quite a "work over".   She scrubbed and scrubbed with that dang sea salt till I thought for sure she had scrubbed down to the bone.

I noticed her looking at my face several times.  Finally, she said, "you want wax eyebrows?  You need.  You need."

She was right.  I need. 

Lord help me.  I know I am a wreck.  In the nail department.  The hair removal department.  All departments.  I am not even gonna talk about the massage chair.  When she turned it on, I thought I was in heaven.  Until....all the jiggling started.  There was no way I could relax while trying to suck in and stop all that jiggling.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  So glad Wranglers didn't pop in at that time-I know what he would have done.

So, after having my skin rubbed off, my facial hair ripped off, and my jiggles exposed, I vowed to take better care of myself. 

When she was all finished with me, she said "There!  Now you ready for bacation."  She was right.

Bacation Vacation, here I come!

                            

Next post will be pictures from Cozumel.  I promise.